Saturday, November 10, 2007

-Conundrum- (An essay about myself)

by Edryan Lorenzo

Knowing thy self in a lurid pasture of life is not a simple task to do, clinging on who thee really are, gripping on the facts that lies behind thee, and unnoticing thyself drowning on the seamless border of reality, that for a veracity you are just an empty jar, starting to fill thyself, with the information you need, as you start wandering around your environment. Clarity about yourself will soon be discovered by your own placidity on the hem of the equal symmetry of visioning oneself.

Filling up the spaces of who I really am is such a crafty chore, dealing on what I really want. What do I prefer? What are the handy things that I often do? And what is the most enlightening occurrence I have experienced before, but one thing is for sure, answering the creepy question of "who I really am" is a common yet still intriguing question that hacks my back.

I was born on the 3rd day of November on the year 1988. Dealing on my early years as a young lad and as a school boy, my life for me is ain't easy. My family and I were just living on a house, which walls are "concrete , but the oddity is that, the wall that we are using as our fortification was actually our neighbors wall, my dad's brain conniving with my mom's mental ability to act, let us think that we have our own home, with a high ceiling, a nice and a wide-well crafted wall, but, I come to realize that they can't build our own house, for the reason that we do not nave any money to support our financial needs. I grew up with the wrong impression that the people tends to look at me, I dwelt my primary years lingering the class room of a well ventilated place, with the lights that fed our eyes with the proper lighting a student must experience. A computer laboratory with the ratio of 1:1, and a wide spaced comfort room, intended for us to use to cut my humongous imagination, yes! I vanished my elementary days on an exclusive school, given the fact that, my family and i were just living our simple lives on a neighbors wall extension, in return as a lad who doesn't know how to play outside there backyard and bragging about the new toy their mom and dad had bought them, I just sit on my little chair and read my book and draw clouds, houses, and my family's caricature, having this experience when I was a child, I always ending up my school year with my mother going up on the stage and pinning some awards on my uniform's pocket or putting the medal on my neck, that's the time that I noticed myself giving a reward to my parents a reward that they should have, my mom and dad would often tell me that "all your hardships will turn out into gold." And i don't really understand that allegory, perhaps it's my young mind that is the one accountable, why I didn't understand that allegory.

Rowing my way to the fast-paced life of the— what they call "high school life", this is the time where i opened up myself to the petty facts about "reality" , am teen, or course when I entered my stage of puberty, and seldom of my classmates would tell me that am a person that is, shy, timid, and silent, perhaps its because of the fact that, they always see me joining different organizations, and theatrical plays, but one thing is for sure, the person that they often see on the stage or in the classroom is not the real "me", the real me is inside the trenches of my soul, the simple, timid and silent Edryan. In this stage of my life I really learn how to value the meaning of true friendship and the camaraderie with other students, to join and to showcase my talents in drawing, dancing and as well as acting. To be a leader on my own simple, yet serious way and to be an outspoken,an open minded and a determined person, the very blatant difference of my life in elementary, whose life is as alone as an oasis on the midst of the desert. I've finished my high school days on a prestigious school on our province the "UNIVERSITY OF RIZAL SYSTEM-LABORATORY MORONG HIGH SCHOOL" and I graduated at my Alma Mater receiving different of awards, a sign of gratitude for my parents and also for my hard works, no doubt that I left my Alma Mater with my head up high and proud, that my school really helped me a lot not only on my studies but as well as on my personal; growth.

Now facing forward about where I' am right now, I can proudly say that, the place where I am right now, is the exact venue for me, it is one of the pieces that can answer the wobbling question of "who I really am?" I' am currently studying at the POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY OF THE PHILIPPINES, a 3rd YEAR COLLEGE STUDENT taking up BROADCAST COMMUNICATION, This field of study is one of my major interest, and I have no doubts on the choice that I have made, the place where I am right now is a place where, I, as a student can learn how to know thyself, dealing with other and different people, on how they react on you, and how they perceive me as to who I really am. From others perspective they judge me as a cruel, hardhearted man, why? Because of the fact that I am a person who doesn't want others to be treated as if they weren't part of the group, I primarily wants to befriend the people who are infamous for the fact that through this people, I know, there is something innate on them that can help me, I don't really know, but I, as a person wants to befriend the person who belongs to the others whose spotlights are dim and dark, they often see me as sly and a strong person, because of the fact that my life when I was a child and in high school are the ones who makes me on what I am right now, I strongly believe that "no man is worth the aggravation", its ancient history, and some would often tell me that am a man whose level of annoyance is the highlight of my attitudes, I easily get irritated by other people, I don't like people who moved away, and exclude themselves categorizing themselves as a member of the higher class; whose deeds are not parallel to their appearance and mostly to the people whose mouth are created to sew words that can damage others personality you know "words are sharper than swords.", I really hate people who act as if they know everything, and act as if they are intelligent, but not! And lastly I get irritated to those people whose brain are inculcated on their mouth and use it as their means of "protruding on others nipple" the obliteration of these characteristics is one of the fact why I really do like others who are members of the infamous society, some would tell me that am a man whose cheerful and happy, maybe because I don't want to see people who are sad, specially the people who are always there to guide and support me, my Family, My Besffriends and Friends, they are the Heluva gems of my life and the fact that these person will cry because of a certain thing or a certain incident, that's the time where as a student, I can change myself into a clown, these words are the words I often tell my friends and Family ''mas mabuti pang ako masaktan kaysa kayo." I do believe that i' am a good but not perfect son, a loving brother to my siblings and a courageous man on my own. Listening to ones opinion is one of the major thing I could not disregard, because listening t others can help you discover the real you and can help you grow as a person, as a student, as a good son, and as a good disciple of God.

Walking through the different paths of my journey, I can say that some of the pieces of the puzzle that completes my life are on my hands, and some are just hanging on a cliff waiting to be discovered and collected.

My life is a long journey to pass on, it may lead me to success and worst to desperation, but one thing is for sure, I will strive to get and collect the puzzle that completes my life and that can answer the question of "WHO I REALLY AM?"


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